I needed to go back to the game of cat-and-mouse-sky-isn't-blue. Being the mouse, I was already at a disadvantage: being beaten black-and-blue (when I see someone bruised, even today, I can guage the timeline of their injury by the color of the bruising: it takes a decided sequence of color progression---greenish-yellow means you're almost home free), I was even more so. Unable to lift my arms even a little, unable to perform even the simplest of tasks (no cracked skull or socket, but the ribs: well, they weren't as lucky), in order to stay close to my son, to stay ready for the time we could literally escape, I had to return in the care of X.
And so it was X who would brush my hair; it was X who would feed me and the baby. It was X who dressed and undressed me; who laid me down, but not to sleep.
Why doesn't she leave?
Because sometimes she understands that she must maintain frozen: fixed in position, down in the trenches. It's a war of attrition.
And so they wait: holding patterns.
Children are worth the wait.
She knows this is the only thought that makes sense; and to have a thought that makes sense seems a secret luxury.
He knows this; he knows she is thinking this.
She knows she may only get one chance.
As does he.
11 comments:
hope he's in jail. else he's surely doing this to someone else. people like these need to be put away.
hugs to you, my friend.
Dear Bee, as always, I am grateful for and blessed by your kindness, my friend. Thank you.
I'm not certain where he is.
The legal proceedings that did eventually come due to a different incident yielded a conviction that resulted in probation---no jail time.
Wow... I'm speechless. It's amazing that having gone through this horrible time hasn't shattered your sweet soul.
Right now I disagree even more with your assertion that words are not a strong suit of yours. These photos, as bad as they are, pale in comparison to your narrative. The picture you've painted with your words is devastatingly powerful and terrifying, which I'm sure is precisely what it was like to live through.
Dear Diane, I am grateful for the sweetness that you bring to the world. Thank you.
Dear Neckties, as I hold your assessment and opinions in high esteem, I feel most grateful for your words. Thank you, dear friend.
It's a hard thing to describe, this.
I'm trying because I think it's important to think about why violence can continue, day-in, day out...
I told my wife about you tonight. I'm so sorry you went through all of this. And you happen to be one of the smartest and most caring bloggers I read.
Thanks, Captain---I know Allyson only from your posts: but I like her a lot. She's got a great laugh. It made me laugh too, when I heard her on one of your videos.
And as for your kind words?
Well, as my brother and I used to say when we were kids: it takes one to know one.
(or, if you prefer, like Pee-Wee and Francis: I know you are, but what am I?!?)
*grinning*
I'm gled you're still living...despite the fact that you now have to live with the memory of it.
Dear Min, thank you---and I'm glad that I've gotten to the point where I can be comfortable communicating with others. If not for this blogging business, I'd not have had the chance to meet and learn from good people like yourself.
As for living with the memories, I'm learning how to use them for good. More on that in a later post!
You seem so different from this person now. Shocking, yes indeed. The lapse in time makes it easier for me to digest these images, yet I know myself how clear these memories can be recalled. "I fell down..." is what I used to say. It's really only been these last few years that I've talked about my own beatings. Just sharing these things with other people is so strengthening; it takes away some of the power it once had. I have much admiration for you Neroli!
Pel, dear, you must know my affection and admiration for you is great.
You must also know how very much I appreciate your presence here, digging in this dirt.
You want to make mudpies? Oh, sorry---mud laddoos (muddoos :-)?!?
We can celebrate your birthday all over!
*smiling*
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